Stress Management: The Stress that Bends, The Stress that Breaks

This may be an overshare on my part, but this is my wellness blog and this matters to my wellness so here we go...

I've been unemployed now for 5 weeks going into 6 weeks, during a period of unofficial recession in our country where over 33% of states financial statuses signify a recession in progress (according to MSNBC and the New York Times). The job market is down, especially in my field. And my job status has started to induce tension upon my mental health. So, we're going to talk about that today.

Understanding the Struggles of Unemployment

Being unemployed can be one of the most stressful experiences of life, especially when you possess skills that aren’t considered transferable. The feeling of being stuck, coupled with uncertainty about the future, creates a heavy burden that weighs on both the mind and body. In the mental health field, I'm told it's considered a moment of crisis.

1 in 5 Americans experience a crisis every year. It may be unemployment, financial issues, it might be a breakup/divorce, loss of a loved one, or a medical diagnose. Those are some of the most common life crisis people experience. And when you have one it breeds anxiety, stress, and depression. For those who do not have a support system in place, or don't utilize the support available to them, it can also lead to self-harm or worse.

Thank God, I am not one of those people. I take every measure I can to embrace support, from my family, my friends, doctors, and my therapist. Not everyone is so lucky, so blessed. So, if you know someone who is going through a life crisis, be kind to them, be supportive of their needs, and at least try to suggest resources that are available to them in your area.

Remember, dial 988 if you or someone you know is experiencing a life crisis or may be suicidal. They are a national mental health crisis support line. It's free to use and available 24/7 anywhere within the United States. They can connect you with local resources that can help. I will be creating a list of local mental health resources on my website soon, so stay tuned!

The Weight of Anxiety

The anxiety that accompanies unemployment can be overwhelming. It manifests in various ways, from sleepless nights to constant worry about financial stability. This anxiety can pile on your shoulders, making it difficult to focus on anything other than the looming uncertainty of your situation. It can also induce stress upon your body, taking a physical toll, which for me resides in my head and shoulders. When I'm stressed like I am now, my shoulders and collar bone feel like 50 lb weights are upon them at all times. I can't help but slump forward in what feels like a Gollum-Esque hunchback.

Stress Management Outlets

A couple things that have been an enormous help for me combating the physical stresses/anxiety are these stress management outlets:

• A massage gun that I use to aid against the tension in my shoulders/back.

• Yoga, for stretching and meditation.

• Weight training, that provides an outlet for my troubles- working my muscles in a positive manner- releasing any remaining pent-up tension.

• Swimming has been another tension releasing and stress reducing exercise. Especially when done at the beach where the rhythm of the waves can positively affect your mental health at the same time.

Choking on Advice

The sensation of suffocation can become all too real when faced with unemployment. Every breath can feel like a struggle, as if you are choking on the advice and guidance of others. While friends and family may mean well, their suggestions can sometimes add to the pressure rather than alleviate it. Getting asked the same standard questions from those who want to help:

• "Are you sending out enough resumes? You should be sending at least 20 each day."

• "Do you have a cover letter? I can help you write one if you need help. They should be tailored to each application."

• "Did you look on [insert job board]? I know people who had great success on (Indeed, LinkedIn, the alumni job board, Nexxt, Jobot, etc.)"

• "Did you try hiring a recruiter? I know people that had luck with recruiters, they do the search for you."

• "Do you need help updating your resume? There are services you can use to make it stand out."

And the list goes on and on... The first couple of times, it always makes you feel good about the effort you're putting in, but after a few weeks of it and still being on the hunt it starts to feel like a slap in the face. Like, hello- yes, I know what I need to do and I'm doing it! Sometimes, like me, it depends on your industry as to what's available and how many people are applying for the same opportunities. It can be ROUGH. For me, I'm competing with 300+ applicants to every job I apply for, it's very disheartening.

What Matters Most When it's the Worst

That shift in mindset can cause you to be avoidant and irritable with those close to you who are checking in, supporting your efforts. My advice, don't chase the rabbit my friends. Don't fall into that trap and get rude or avoidant with those people check-in on you. Remind yourself it's coming from love and support and embrace it.

Remember, you can't control the decision-making of hiring teams. You can put your best foot forward, but ultimately, it's all about compatibility. You may find yourself looking for a while, you may find yourself needing to take up temporary/alternative work. Do what you need to in order to survive, but don't lose track of those who were in your corner when life got hard. Those are the real people. Stand by them and support them as they support you. Don't take your stress and anxiety out on them and if you do, try your best to catch yourself in the moment and apologize.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest walk out. - Walter Winchell

Like me, you will find out in the most surprising of ways which people in your life are true. It's during those life crisis moments, like unemployment, when they step forward and present themselves without even knowing or realizing it. In that regard, I have found myself blessed to find a surprising degree of truth in those I surround myself with. People I would mistake for casual acquaintance, people I mistook for enemies, people I thought hated me have turned out to bring that true friendship to my life. And vice versa with those I thought close friends, brothers, and lovers who have passively demonstrated through inaction their discontent.

Only when things are their worst do the true friends come forward. In that regard, your life crisis moments have the potential to be the greatest gift, the gift of truth, presenting the evidence that would enable you to redefine your ties, reshape your life, and build a world for yourself that lifts you up higher than you knew was possible.